Monday, 29 April 2013

Game Of Thrones: Just A Thought

Fantasy Flight, Michael Komarck

My Most Favoured Peopleses:


1. Arya
2. Ned
3. Dany
4. Tyrion
5. Jon Snow
6. Kindly Man
7. Asha [Yara Greyjoy in show]
8. Melisandre
9. Missandei
10. Littlefinger
11. Syrio Forel
12. Jaqen H'ghar

Sansa Stark, by Teiiku (Deviant Art)


1. Ned (obviously, goes without saying)
2. Dany
3-4 (Tie). Littlefinger + Varys
5. Tyrion
6. Sansa
7. Margaery
8. Melisandre
9. Arya
10. Jon Snow
11. Jaqen H'Ghar
12. Syrio Forel

Jon Snow by Teiiku (Deviant Art)


Thursday, 25 April 2013

I'm Scared

The last time I felt like this, I had this craft knife and I was etching parallel lines into my arm, watching the blood slowly drain into the valleys of those cuts. The scars are fading, but the feeling is coming back. Too numb and mentally worn out to cry. Wish I could cry, it might make me feel better. Wish I could at least shed a tear for the dreams I am cradling close to me, hopes of a nice future, my creativity expelled - productive outlets for my anxiety fear rage helplessness loneliness rioting-imagination, my secret happy dreams, disintegrating in my arms. Wish I was dead.

Friday, 19 April 2013

My Favourite Manga Of All Time: Immortal Rain

SPOILER ALERT: There WILL be massive spoilers. It's not like this manga is new - you can get it from your library or online at Manga Fox. Read it first, or you will regret it.

I want to blot out my life like knocking over a pot of ink onto the page of a book.

It will, quickly or steadily, spread to all of the other pages and leave you with a big, black fucking mess. You can't read the pages - the content, the whole story is gone, although the stained pages leave you with proof that it was there. But is that how I want to go out?

This whole week went to shit. I am not surprised. Today I did more solid work towards my final essay than I have done all week. My healthy eating habits have been on and off. The days feel monotonous.

Yesterday, I went for a walk - I had to go when it had stopped raining, so I ended up going at sunset - and smelling of the air and seeing the setting sun and listening to a couple of my favourite songs (Paramore's 'Stuck On You', along with 'Hello', the opening theme to Ergo Proxy called 'Kiri' - Monoreal, And from Nabari No Ou 'Departure' and 'Aru Ga Mama'.) made me feel overwhelming sad. My whole world felt kind of empty. I kind of wanted to die.

When I got home, it was kind of impossible for me to work. I ended up playing The Sims 2 again until I really didn't want to anymore. I wanted to sleep, but I didn't want to go to bed and lie there waiting for it, thinking about my troubles. I just wanted them to end, quickly.

Whenever I feel like that, I read and reread and reread my favourite manga of all time, Immortal Rain, slash Meteor Methuselah.

- Rain & Machika look so cute and so sad, I wanna fucking cry. -

Why I Love It

So, it's a shōjo. But, unlike many, it's not completely driven by romance, in fact, it's pretty much action and adventure until we get to Volume 3.

First off, it is SO. DAMN. FUNNY. It never fails to cheer me up, especially Rain himself!

Then again, it kind of has to be, because the bits that aren't funny or action-based are incredibly depressing and tragic, like for example, pretty much all of the characters are orphans, and the one set of parents in it have lost a child. But it all forms a wonderfully well-told and illustrated story.

Second, Kaori Ozaki can REALLY DRAW!!!!

If there's one thing that can put me off a manga, it's when the illustrations are really bad. As manga, like comics, are image based, it's really hard for me to get through it if the characters are badly drawn. There is something so subtle about Immortal Rain. I find that it's not flashy or showy or overdone - even for Ayla, who could've easily had many more kawaii features and bigger eyes. I love love love the design of all of the characters. Will talk about my favourite character designs below.

Also, Kaori Ozaki draws action really well. There's this other manga I was reading years ago that I liked called King Of Hell by Ra In-Soo and Kim Jae-Hwan. The story is great, plot moves a little slow, but the action is really messy. It takes away from the satisfaction of seeing Majeh fight the demons because there's so many motion lines that you can't actually see what he's doing. It's really frustrating as him fighting demons and rival fighters is quite a lot of the manga.

But in Immortal Rain, it take you from one step to the next in a series of short pictures. I see the fighting sequence so clearly and quickly in my head that it gets me excited and tense even though I already know who's gonna win.

Also, for a shōjo, it's pretty gruesome! I mean, the Angels look horrific. They were drawn AMAZINGLY, especially Mother May, who is as creepy as FUCK. She's got a damn baby staring out of her stomach! There's a lot of action in there, its fast paced... this is why I love it.

 - 2-page spread from Chapter 7 of the Evans Gang. I LOVE AMY SO MUCH! (holding the spanner.) Why does Eury look like such a cocky idiot? Oh wait - that must be because he is. -

Next, the characters of Imm.Rain are the BEST.

They are so great, that I realised Rain had begun to influence my Architect character from my story 10 Lives Of The Immortal Architect Which By The Way Will Probably Not Be Called That Anymore. In appearance only though, not in personality. In personality, the Architect originally stemmed from Vega as he's depicted in the Street Fighters animated movie (I LOVE ME SOME VEGA) and Yoite from Nabari No Ou (Aww, Yoite... let's not go there, or I really will cry). In fact, the Architect is such a hybrid that he became an original character before I had a chance to decide what made him a special protagonist. I kind of wanted to revert him back to his original brutal nature, but I can't bloody change him b/c he's too unique how he is now.


Sharem began to influence my Danica character from Detonator, but again, in appearance only. Her personality is more like... well... actually, quite a bit like Rain's!

- Rain being a doofus -

I love that at the beginning/end of some volumes, you get a little character bio and some fighting techniques. I LOVE THAT. It's so cool!

Many of the characters change throughout, and it's all believable. The Doctor and Dora Folk immediately stand out as characters that are not central, and yet the story couldn't continue without them as Dora Folk is the one who makes Rain take out his cross, and the doctor saves Machika from the crumbling Angel Sanctuary. They do more, but just in brief, yeah. They're boss.

But there is something even more important why I love Immortal Rain: IT ENDS.

Manga volumes are known to span on for ever and ever. I think the Naruto volumes spans in into the seventies? Beyond? It seems Kaori Ozaki wrote this with an end in sight, that is why it's so perfect. The story was set in stone, complete, perfect, packing a punch, and ending on a high.

I am SO GUTTED because I only have eight volumes sitting on my shelf, but there are eleven. I read the end to the series online; I had no choice, Tokyopop didn't print the last three in English - maybe due to lacking popularity. I think they have been printed in French, however. How could it be more popular in France and not in the UK or US?! That sucks!

It really does suck, because I jumped on the bandwagon years after it had been first printed, so I'm guessing the original hype about it had come and gone. I don't care. I'm just going to learn Japanese and buy the Japanese version to read...

Characters And Kiki

Rain - This guy.... my God. No description could do him justice. It surprises me to remember that he came from an unusual background, I think he grew up at the church-place from orphans? It's so sad that Rain and Machika don't have much family and always seem really lonely...

Soo, Methuselah, aka. Rain Jewlitt. Adorable, loveable, and has such... moral righteousness, I guess. Because of that, I think he'd be brave even without being immortal and invincible. Yuca sealed him into a terrible fate. But because he knows that he is, he takes even extra opportunities to help and save people, and it's not really clear whether he can feel the pain and is hiding it, or not. His body gets mangled in quite a lot of different ways... um, quite a lot of times. Poor guy.

LOVE LOVE LOVE him with short hair at the end!

There... IS one thing that gets me. Not exactly a flaw, but it stokes my fires of curiosity. It's evident that, for Yuca, being immortal robs him of all feeling and makes him apathetic, cruel and brutal, but only in the sense that he no longer has any regard for human life. Rain has been alive for SIX HUNDRED YEARS - how the hell can he still be willing to save people when he's witnessed all the terrible, horrible things they do out of greed?

I mean, it just makes him an even more amazing character, but still, it's interesting. It's hard to think that he can, but that was the test Yuca sent him in the first place by making him immortal. Even Yuca couldn't believe that he was still willing to save humanity when he came back. Damn. This guy.

Machika - she's such a wonderful character. I love that she has the inner conflict of carrying on her Grandfather's legacy and being a strong fighter, and on the other hand just being a teenage girl trying to stumble her way through life. Ugh, I can't. She's too cool.

Sharem - my favourite female character from any manga ever full stop. Short blonde hair, cold eyes, very slender and very tall (for a woman, compared to the male characters). From this manga, she battles with Rain and Machika, but still I think she would come out top. Where do I begin? She's powerful, beautiful, influential, manipulative, a mother figure to her several dozen adoptive children who are willing to fight and do anything for her, she's one scary, mad-strong fighter, and she has a backstory that makes me choke up. You don't fuck with Sharem! Oh no you don't. If she was a Game Of Thrones character, she'd be Cersei. Pardon me - Queen Cersei.

- Yuca and Sharem -

Yuca / Ys - such a brilliant character. Effortlessly terrifying. The scene where he is born (not as a baby but as a young boy) is fucking creepy. Seeing him as a young adult in Rain's flashback was really interesting as well. To be honest, Freya must be weird to love someone so emotionless. How can she prefer him to Rain?! Rain's adorable! But anyway, perfect character as a baddie - hes not evil through and through, his experiences have made him the way he is, which makes it even sadder.

Besides that, there's one thing I don't quite get - and that is at the very end, (SUPER SUPER SPOILER! I DID WARN YOU!) when he is finally released and no longer immortal. I REALLY DON'T GET THAT! How exactly did that happen? I'm going to need to read it over and over until I get it.

Ayla (above, if the pic is still showing) - She. Is. Gorgeous. Kaori Ozaki did say somewhere that she was the most glamorous character, but her outfits are amazing throughout the series. Mind you, she only has a few, but each one is stunning in it's own right. It's kinda funny to see her running around in heels in the middle of all of this action. Her backstory about the King she was in love with (Yakoh, I think) was so tragic. That was REALLY tragic, and right at the beginning of the story too, like, Volume 1. Man, everytime I think of it I get sad.

There's this spread at the end of Volume 5 that I really adore. I just look at it and slap my hands to my cheeks saying 'omigod! Shesocute!'

Eury - this guy is the best fucking badass EVER. Okay? Ever! He is a super flirt and his antics are hilarious. He's also really cocky and standoffish. His flirtations with Sharem got me grinning cause she must be in her early 30's or something and Eury's got to be like 18? Hahaha! That's kind of why I like his character, he's never afraid to try. He gets himself into so many scrapes. I like how he ends up in Rain and Machika's lil group, when he was at first a baddie. I should really say 'antagonist' but whadafuk. Who cares.

Dora Folk - This man is really really original. I don't really know how because he's your typical I Want To Be Powerful And Rule The World bad guy but it stems from Yuca/Ys's messing about with angel experiments and he's very clever about how to get what he wants. Maybe that's no excuse, idano. I can't say much more because trying would just be a disgrace to this character.

- from Kaori Ozaki's Website. Like the last 2 pics on the post, I love it because you get to see most of the characters together in this happy little scene (Dora Folk, WTF?) but sad as well because you know this would and can never... never happen... -

The Doctor - I love this man! He's sooo science-obsessed, yet so calm and cool and suave. Also he gives Rain and Machika really good advice and his glasses make him look cute.

Freya - This is gonna be very very bias as I am pro-Raichika and anti-Raiya, plus she is kind of annoying, BUT, I didn't really like Freya. I think she's one of those characters that's meant to be ambiguous as of course we as the reader are rooting for Machika. But it's sad because you feel Rain's pain, as obviously he loved her, and Yuca killed her in cold blood. And Freya wasn't mean or a bad character, just boring and flat compared to Machika.

Jileena - I like her spunk. The fact that she tried so hard to get Sharem's love and approval brings on my weepy face. It makes me laugh how she's always out to get Machika. It's a perfect match! I love seeing them face off in a fight.

Kiki - I want me a Kiki so bad. It's an abandoned angel experiment that Machika takes care of, it's cute little cat/fox thing with three eyes and when it grows up, it TALKS! That really shocked me when I picked up Volume 5 and saw it TALKING! But it was a great addition to the story.

To Wrap It Up

Here's the thing... just a little thing really. Well... at the start of the series when Chi develops her crush on R, she's fourteen. Fine. But... like I said, here's the thing... Rain is 624... although he behaves like a ten year old... and he's been immortal for 600 years so that in principle makes him TWENTY-FOUR!

It's a bit weird! I have no problem with 10 year age gaps, any age gaps for that matter - my own Mum and Dad are 10 years apart in age but they met when my Mum was 20, not when she was 14! Anyway... so yeah, that had me wide-eyed. To be honest, I think saying he's been immortal for 600 years may not be strictly true. It may be slightly more or less. He could be in his late-teens, early-twenties. I suppose 24 is early. LOL! But other than that, I Don't Give A Fuck, RAICHIKA ALL THE WAY.

Next step?

Well, again, it's been years since I.R. came out. I discovered it so long ago and keep going back to it time and time again. But I have heard that there's this mini serial of Rain and Machika's grandfather Zol (who looks REALLY young to be her grandfather by the way) and their adventures together, which must be supercool so I should really hunt that down.

 - Both images from Kaori Ozaki's website, if they're still showing -

Wow. What a super long post.

I feel miles better after writing that. Of course, I should have been writing my essay, but this made me happier and therefore was worth it.


Saturday, 13 April 2013

Pink Sovereign / Sims 2 Freak

I have two things to declare upon this day.


My (technically fifth) blog, Pink Sovereign, has launched.

Jase Rose awaits.

- "Come into my lair..." -


I am a Sims 2 Freak.

A huge part of Jade Rose's concept design stemmed from messing around on The Sims 2. Despite that the Sims 3 launched a long while ago, I still cling so eagerly to it's predecessor. Even now, I still love playing Sims: Bustin Out and Urbz: Sims In The City.

There is something so compelling and exciting about creating a neighbourhood wherein you can create rivalries, friendships, romances, etc, and be (most of the time) in control. Then you have their careers, their family, skills, fulfilling their wants and lifetime goals, - that doesn't even cover half of the joys of playing The Sims 2, and then each expansion pack makes it better and better and better.

However, it MUST BE SAID that the Kevin And Alice blog - the best Sims 3 blog out there (and the only Sims 3 blog I have read, ha) - has really made me tempted to get the Sims 3.

This is Jade Rose as she appears in The Sims 2.

- looking so cute and earnest. -

It is very satisfying to put two of my loves together. 

Star xxx
( "Oo, THREE kisses! A Rarity!"
Shut up, Jade Rose.)

Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Pissed as fuck.

Do I need a reason to be pissed? No? Then fuck it all.

For some reason beyond me, I am having a bad day. Admitting it and not trying harder to find my Happy Place goes against every lesson on vibrations that I have ever heard from Abraham, but I have no choice but to try again tomorrow. Because it's as sure as fuck not happening today.

Also, lately I've been really hungry. Sounds weird and slightly irrelevant, but I'm sure it has a factor in the way I feel today. Not sure how I should be combatting this. I have a few possible theories for why I am constantly hungry:

- Despite that I am eating frequency, I'm not eating what I need to be eating in order to feel satisfied, ie. I am still lacking in a vitamin;
- I am not chewing my food properly because I am eating too fast because I am hungry, hence not allow the nutrients in my food to be released and satisfy the hunger craving...;
- Despite eating frequently, I still crave the taste of certain foods without realising that I'm not actually hungry;
- I'm actually thirsty and not hungry but not realising it.


So, why the BUMBLECRACKERS are EA shutting down The Sims 2 site? ARGHH! Okay, I get it, the site (and the game) is getting old. Maybe they don't wanna maintain it anymore because it's not longer a good investment of time and money. But I am really really pissed because...

... well as I mentioned in previous posts, my sims 2 game is getting dodgy on this laptop. It runs fine but there are a shitload of glitches.

First off, one of my sims called Shiroi gets this dodgy outfit when she does certain things. Kind of like burnt skin, but it looks a like robot with multi-coloured squares on it like she just walked out of byte-land or something. It's weird, it's creepy, but thankfully it goes away when she takes a shower and redresses.

Second, another sim, Susan Diablo, had the shower graphic of spraying water fixed to her. It happened because I made her fix the broken shower and fast-forwarded it to make her finish it quickly, but then the spurting water graphic was fixed to her wherever she went. It was SO ANNOYING. It looked like she was doing some crazy sweating, not funny at all. To make it stop, I had to use the cheat 'moveobjects on', delete her, and then go back into the game.

Third, I had four chairs around a rectangular table. When the Dad sim - I think it was Checo Ramirez from Bluewater Village - sat in it, he got stuck and couldn't get out. I think I had to delete the chair and the table in Buy/Build mode to get him out.

Fourth, but certainly not last, no matter how many windows I place in the house, there's no light coming in. I have to keep the lightbulbs switches on all the time to actually SEE wtf my sims are doing.

See? It doesn't MASSIVELY interrupt the gameplay but its annoying! And I'm tired of being told by people (well, only my sister Azure) to switch to Sims 3. I will! But I'll do it when I'm good and ready! I wanted to download the patches to help my game run smoother, but I can't get a hold of that now. Can't even tell you how irritated this has made me. smhwtfmkmt.

Plus, there was this amazing story on the Sims 2 site by a user called psychopete7 (actually it might have been psychopete 9) who created 'Answer The Phone', 'Horror', and... idk, this one about a crazy lady, might've been called 'Mind'. I remember the chapters were in Roman numerals.

I did find a site called simpvip that has downloaded and uploaded the sims 2 patches in lieu of the site being closed, so good on them. At least Sims 2 users know that it's there.


Pink Sovereign is on it's way to being done. I am massively pleased with the mascot I created for it, because she is really really cute. I adore her. ^

So I'ma just hang on to that until I go to bed because otherwise, everything in life feels shit right now.

Guess it's just one of those days.


Sunday, 7 April 2013


I know I will get it done. One day.

I know that everything I am striving for is waiting for me.

I know that, come tomorrow, I will as be happy as a... thing that is perpetually happy.

But this feeling, right here, right now, feels like death. It is heavy and dark and oppressive. All of my goals and dreams still waiting to be realised sit weightily on my shoulders. I feel bloated. I feel slow, cumbersome, tiresome  weary.

I have so much to say, and to show. There are people, stories, morals, philosophies, magical places and the most incredible creatures. They run riot. There is not enough space inside my head to contain them all. I have so much inside of me that is waiting to be loosed. I want to set it free like opening a fistful of confetti to the wind. I want it to trail behind me like ribbons and make me smile every time I look back.


For the time being, all I can do is eat my sorrow away, sleep until I am refreshed or dead, and make - yes, another one, my fifth so far... a new blog.

We may or may not soon be graced with the Pink Sovereign.


Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Life Is Short. A Writer's Life Is Shorter Than The Average Person.

- because there's never enough time to write it all down.

A Banner for one of my older creations, 'Dreamer'. The premise was amazing - it haunts me even to this day - but the execution was embarrassingly awful. That story will never see the light of day again unless it has a SERIOUS makeover.

“You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind.”
-Dale Carnegie

The Very First Novel

When I was younger, I had this funny little daydream that it would be cool if I published a book when I was eighteen, just to have said that I's completed a book at that golden age. What a bloody idiot I was.

Now, I am much more adamant that the book I publish is outstanding, over anything else. I would love if a film studio asked for film rights, or if I published it in my teens, or if I got the exact cover I wanted, or if I saw it being advertised on various TFL platforms, yada yada yada. But WHAT is the POINT if the book I've written wasn't up to scratch?

The Fear

Oh, so many.

The fear that it won't sell.
The fear that my book won't 'move' people enough. That they just won't care.
The fear of criticism about something that I should really have known already.
(- ie. the fear of missing something important.)
The fear of it not being original enough (Remember my The Hunger Games / Battlegame Forfeit problem?)
The fear of not being able to publish every idea I've ever had. But that may not be possible anyway, if you saw my notebook.

Thing is, fears are just fears. They only exist in the mind. Half of those fears are just little nagging tics, not real fears. I can fight those. But my mind wanders.

The Habit

At this rate, I'll be lucky if, by the end of my life, I get ONE book finished.

Every time I hit a road block in one novel, instead of fighting it through, I jump to another. I have no fewer than ten in working progress, right now. I stopped Battlegame after the Hunger Games film was released. I wouldn't say I 'gave up', rather - I 'lost heart'. Perhaps I'll take it up later on in life (lol).

I'd been working diligently on The Urban Piper, until the rewrite of DVTJ caught my attention, and I wholeheartly, eagerly and excitedly threw myself into that. I don't regret it - but it's meant that TUP has been sitting there fermenting. I NEED TO BREAK THIS HABIT.

Like I said recently to my best friend Lola, there's kind of no point continuing to write like this. Instead of having the novels finished one after the other, It's much more likely that when I'm forty, I'll have fifteen books finished at the same time.

The Name

I've spent quite a while trying to get this damn pseudonym set in stone. I think I finally have it, the one I want to use. I've dipped my toes in so many genres that I may actually have to use two. Or a few.

But the problem with me, as everybody knows, is that I go through periods of hating my own name.

So I may get bored of it anyway.

Curious Things

Pride And Prejudice And Zombies?

Should people be allowed to rewrite classics? I mean, the copyright on P&P has probably expired, yes, but I prefer adaptations like the whole Pride And Prejudice to Bridget Jones thing. It shows that Helen Fielding did actually have to do some work decided the setting and characterisation and whatnot. It's funny, because I do like fanfics. But fanfics are simply that - fan fiction. I wonder what Jane Austen would think about somebody writing zombies into her tale. Haha, I can quite imagine that the fear of zombies would be considerably less than the fear of not making a suitable marriage.

 I am going to read P+P+Z anyway, but the reason why I brought it up is because it made me think. What if someone, in the distant future, does that with my stuff? With all the books out there today, I somehow doubt people will look back at my work and want to mess around with it. But still, I wonder what they would do. I wonder what they would do with my plots, my characters, my creations.

... I don't think I would like it, to be honest.


I see most of my creations as movies in my head. So much so that I am wondering if some of them should be written as scripts from the start. It's true that one of my fantasies is to see Quest, Architect and Detonator on the big screen. Oh, and Nine. I can't imagine them being anything less than awesome.

But at the same time, I wouldn't be able to STAND anybody else having control over my vision. I don't know how other authors do it. I think I would weep over the slightest change. I would have to direct and produce it and cast it and edit it all by myself. O_O

I leave that one up to God.

Star xx
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