Tuesday, 26 November 2013
Bit By Bit
I'm am so grateful for all of the support around me, friends, family, counsellors, those at my university, etc. SO grateful, words will never describe. So relieved to know that even if they can't understand me, they do really and truly care about me, and want to see me improve because they believe I can recover.
I'm so, so lucky, because some people don't have the amount of people support them that I do. I'm scared of letting all of them down, though I'm determined not to. I want to show them I can be strong, maybe I could even be an inspiration. It would make me beyond happy if I could help someone else get out of the place I am. Or I'll be saying then - the place I've been.
I try to live by the Abraham Hicks philosophy.
Life doesn't start when my dreams come true, or when my future partner (ha, joke) turns up in my life or when I move into that dream house or whatever it is I'm aiming for, it's right now, I'm living it right now. I often ask myself, what can I do to be happy right now? If I'm really in that dark place, I'll sardonically think 'kill myself', but more often than not I'll actually take it seriously and try to do something that makes me smile. Not even laugh, just smile. It's a start.
It can be tough trying to climb my way up bit by bit, but just for those moments where I am relieved that the pressure has been taken off my mind, I am thankful. It is scary though, because when every so often, that haunting depression comes back, I start to believe that I will never shake it off.
But I think one day I will. I'm starting to turn the different areas of my life around slowly, and although I crash and burn (a lot) I will alway pray that, in the end, I can hold on to the feeling of how wonderful it is to be alive.