Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Meditative Reflective Depression

Did I become so deeply depressed upon realisation that I cannot be saved? I am only a little person, a human being, an insignificant among thousands of disgraceful, disgusting and evil others. I am pathetic; I cannot help become uselessly upset when the slightest harsh word is said to me. I cry over my own uselessness and lack the courage to die, where I might be happy.

I am so pitifully naive that I have probably unconsciously turned a blind eye to every time somebody has teased me, been racist towards me, spoke lies to my face that I simply accepted as truth, because it is so hard for me to imagine that people can be so cruel. But when it is staring me in the face, I unravel. I cut, and bleed.

I look at the picture above to transport me.

It would be so nice, just for a moment, to escape there, and not worry about money, my constant studying for bullshit educational purposes, friends, family, my purpose in life, my mortality, and my shortcomings as a human being. It would be so nice.

Star xx

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