I don't own this picture... just in case that wasn't painstakingly obvious :)
It was a long day, so there is MUCH to say.
Last week, I was planning my suicide. This week, next week, every week for the rest of my life (I hope - sometimes I'll probably need a kick in the arse) I'm going to be planning my success, and then taking action to be successful. Which no doubt sounds easier than it is, but I'm going to do it anyway because I feel as if it's no longer a multi-choice question any more. There is only one answer, I will make this happen, I have to begin right now.
As a 20 year-old student, devoted asocial misanthropist (or would that be antisocial?) for a few years now - if you've been following the blog, you get the picture.
I turn up at this seminar completely terrified. I had no idea what the hell I was thinking, no idea what I was expecting, and expecting a room full of corporate people from businesses looking towards expansion, in my head everyone's wearing suits and shit and there's me there in my coat that's falling to pieces and a cream jumper that I SOMEHOW managed to get a pen ink on... how-?! Seriously man, I took the lid off the pen, I was writing for like three minutes and then there's a pen mark on my jumper. Fail.
But who cares? What's ink on my jumper compared to the pages and pages of valuable notes I inked into my workbook today? It's all good!
A little backstory...
Yesterday, my Mama had a show, she's a singer (well, sometimes) but this time she was singing harmony for a friend who was launching her album. So Mama's been struggling with the parts and she was so. Nervous. So, I told myself I'd be there, no matter what, I'd be there, knowing that Success 2013 was the following day with an early start, and I turned out to be the only family member who turned up, so for that I am glad. And she did fine! It finished at eleven, by which time I was trying to keep my eyes awake. I got home, went to bed.
At 4:30, my alarm clock went off telling me to get up for this seminar. I'd been so nervous today that I couldn't sleep much, so I got three fours hours sleep max.
That's what I was running on for over twelve hours, leaving at 5:30am, travelling from West London to East London, checking in at 7am to get my wristband and workbook, finishing the day at 8:30pm which was an hour and a half after the scheduled finished time (I didn't mind though, cram in more info!) and getting home, making myself sit here and write this now even though its twelve o'clock, I'm exhausted and struggling to keep my eyes open let alone type coherent sentences, and I've got to get up early tomorrow for ANOTHER show, the Home Improvement show in Hammersmith. But I need to type this right now. Holy effing heck. This is the first weekend I've had booked off work for half a year, and I'm more tired than I would be if I was working but SO WORTH IT!
It's not really a big deal, in a way. Not really a big risk to sacrifice some sleep for success. Damn, I expect more of this very soon. I'm sure many people there travelled a LOOOOONG way to see those speakers. But the real point of this story is coming up...
So when my alarm clock went off, these were my thoughts. Oh no. Oh no. I have to get up. I have to do this thing. It's still dark outside and I don't want to walk in the dark. I might not like it. (the seminar, not walking in the dark - I KNOW I don't like that!) I won't know anyone. They might make us do something embarrassing (from growing up going to theatre and dance schools, I've learned to expect that. OH HEY, Pineapple Performing Arts performed today, what are the chances of THAT?! I mean I wasn't blown away, seen it all before, but that's not the point. Those kids danced in front of two/three thousand people, GOOD FOR THEM!) and I'm gonna be on my own. My ticket was only £7.50. I can live without £7.50. I don't really have to go. I could go back to sleep. Right now. And sleep. Precious sleep.
And then, But, if I don't go, I know, I know at the bottom of my heart, I will regret it so badly. Multi-millionaires in the making are going to walk out of that seminar, and I could be one of them. SO GET OUT OF BED. Right now. GET UP AND DO IT!!!
Brian Tracy says, (summarizing here,) facethe thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain. Smash it, hammer it, hit it head-on like a car driving into a wall, and it'll disappear. (That was in The Miracle Of Self Discipline.) Amen.
So I did it. Very glad. What I learnt today was worth a hundred times what I paid for my ticket, I SWEAR, and I have been hearing a LOT of figures today so I'm pretty certain when I say that. Actually, much more than £750 pounds. MUCH. MORE. But we'll stop there, because like I said, lots of numbers to digest today.
But there were also chances to get a hold of courses worth hundreds of pounds, hundreds of thousands, that we were offered at a discounted prices just for having the motivation to show up. Some people leapt at the chance, and I felt great for them because we've all heard the stories, we know what those courses can do, those people have success in their hands right now. But for the rest of us, the question was asked by several speakers, "Why are you up here with them?"
My first thought was, I don't know.
And then I felt dumb for thinking it, because then it was like, Well why are you here? But it's true. I thought, am I a procrastinator? Is it not the path I want to take? Why? Am I afraid? God, fears AGAIN? How can I smash this fear and make it go away? How do I face this fear? Do the course, dummy, just do it. Then I thought, Well, I don't have five hundred pounds to spend on a course right now, I'm living off my student loan and the extra I make on the side from work, that is, the portion I'm not giving to my mother - which is decent but not enough for this.
Why? Why I was I not in front of the stage leaping at a hundred-pound offer hugely discounted from being a thousand-pound offer? Slashed from twenty million gabagillifillion to five hundred or whatever? Because, MONEY, is not available to me at the moment. And I regret that. That's pretty sad, pretty depressing actually, BUT that is why it's become my goal to get it. I swear I will get it, I could - will - have it by next year, and I won't forget you, Mr So-and-So (many speakers offered courses) I'm coming back to take your course!! I won't forget this opportunity I had, even if I didn't take it, of course now I MUST implement everything I know so that by this time next year, I could take those courses, no matter the asking price. I really, really want to be able to master those skills so that I can make myself and anything I come up with valuable, so I can give back, to family friends and strangers, I want to help share the knowledge that seems to fly right by some people. My family, for instance. I want to give them the key. I DO I DO I DO!!!
And I found myself feeling like I was missing something big when unfamilar terms popped up, like 'shares' and 'real estate', which was a serious dumb-moment for me (JemJam, sitting next to me, is an economics student), so I sat there like (O_O) I'm an English Literature student! Talk to me about oxymorons! Hehe (^_^) That was an insiders joke. =P
What the heck, I'm sitting at a laptop. THERE'S NO EXCUSE. I'm going to google those three terms right now. (Tempted to use Wikipedia, but at university they crucify you if you do that. We have been specifically trained NOT TO DO THAT - I agree that it's also very lazy research, although I am guilty as the next person - so it's Oxford English Dictionary.) Now I know what they are. Three cheers for technology.
But seriously. But if I had the money to take these courses, I would at least have the CHOICE. No money, no choice. Today, I had no choice. Tragic. I never realised how important that was to me until today! So many things that I've been clueless about, I assumed just 'wasn't for me', or that the option was closed to me, but I have no idea why. I don't know why I'd naturally assume that or where I learnt such dangerous thinking. Danger is the key word, I think. I felt like I was really in danger of being stuck in a dead, wasteful, passionless experience of life, or working in the same unhappy job I was working in ten years ago, like my brother. Now I'm going to GO OUT and LEARN all the things I don't know.
That reminds me. I haven't had a facebook for over a year now, and although it has seriously changed my life for the better, (and I believe, the sole reason why writing my essays the day before the deadline scored me an A, A, A, B and not an utter FAIL, do you know how many people go online when they should be studying? Like me, right now, on this blog?) I know that for any business I begin (need to find my old notebook) I will need to get one of these doohickeys. :) I don't watch TV, I don't have a smartphone, I don't have any social networking profile although I am addicted to blogger, and this suits me fine as I appreciate not constantly being "plugged in". But the online market is phenomenally huge. So I know I've gotta be ready when I've got a... *gulp* business plan...
Every speaker today brought something valuable to the table. Everybody.
I wish my whole family could have heard them speaking live. I don't remember who said it, but its hard coming home and seeing everything here unchanged after all of the awe-inspiring things I've heard today. Each speaker had advice that struck me hard, I'll just give a few examples;
Les Brown: Find the person who's best at what they do and STUDY THEM. You know, its so simple, and yet, I never would have thought of it. It's like a slap in the face - I need to get into this stuff WAY. MORE. OFTEN. Oh, also: Rules are meant to be FOLLOWED, and CONQUER THE ENEMY WITHIN. I need to stick those quotes up on my walls as soon as possible. I was so grateful to be told this.
James Caan: You learn more from your mistakes than from your successes. Again, pretty straightforward, but what the real message for me here what that I can't let failure paralyse me, or I'll never get anywhere. I think fear of failure is why I never started any of my ideas. I really appreciated hearing that.
Andy Harrington: *Andy Harrington* We are living in the... ? *crowd* INFORMATION AGE! As someone who is no longer part of the younger generation but is now standing above watching the chaos below, I can confirm (you don't really need me to do that, but I will anyway) that yes. Yes it is. Oh, also! You can either make MONEY, or you can make EXCUSES. Not both. (I probably got the wording wrong, but the moral is there!)
Bob Kittel: Let it go, whatever it is, let it go, there are good things to come! I wish, I wishhh I practised this more often. Now I won't 'wish' any more, I will. There was also something he said that really staggered me, Who's life will I change today? The mere concept that you can change one person's life every single day makes my jaw drop. I don't think I have radically changed my own life since January this year (let alone anyone else's) when autumn 2012 saw the death of my general will to live. So yeah, that was fantastic. Who's life will I change today?
Adam Ginsberg: How much you KNOW does not equal how much money you MAKE. This really made my brain work, because this concept goes against a lot of concepts I've heard in the past, but perhaps what I should have been thinking before is, increased knowledge improves your CHANCES of making more money. Something I heard Brian Tracy say about learning made me think about it. As a compulsive eBayer, the most addicted eBayer in my family after my mother and two sisters who have all tried it out (my brothers never tried), this interested me. I'm really glad he shared his wisdom with us today ('tomorrow' in about five minutes). Oh - 100% of the items you do not list will not sell. Hehe. So true. Made me laugh.
Dr. Rohan Weerasinghe: 'Don't leave your money in the deal.' He talked a lot about property, which I have NO CLUE about, but I liked being exposed to this new territory (not exactly 'new' but you get me). Of course, it meant I didn't rush up for his deal because I was paralysed by my own ignorance; I guess I'm not serious about 'long-term asset-based income' after all. (I'll make a note to look into this property market thing.) He asked, 'ARE YOU CURIOUS OR SERIOUS?' and my inability to give an answer within the next five seconds determined my fate. I'd better learn how to get pretty fucken' serious pretty fucken' fast! -- Also, I liked his honest, direct approach. Haha, he did say 'bullshit' quite a lot. At first, to catch my attention, then it lost its effect. And - I know he TOLD us to call him Baldy, but I still felt bad calling him names! (Have I gone beyond weird now? Hm. I am aware that this is odd, I believe my emotional wires have been hijacked, possibly by an outside or alien source.) So, I was really appreciative for Mr Weerasinghe providing that ultimatum - get serious or get outta here, ain't for you.
SO TIRED.... MY NECK HURTS
Gerry Roberts: Use a book to jump-start your business! The moment he said 'book', he had my full and undivided attention, as my book is half/almost finished, but I like to say 'almost', I find it more positive - but it occurred to me that all of the books mentioned in his speech were non-fiction, whereas mine is fiction. So, I'm not sure if this aids me after all, but I still signed up to the course and glad I did. Gonna have to skip a Friday lecture, but whatever man. Can't wait. Super happy.
Hilary Devey: By this time, the person sitting next to me (D, as J had left) was trying to keep my awake. I was doing my very best. Anyway, what stuck with me from Hilary Devey was, Be prepared to get it wrong, don't be prepared to fail. 'Persevere' was the word I derived from that. Also - Selling, branding, marketing. Do your market research and keep returning to the drawing board. Oh, I might have gotten that last part wrong. Here my notes start to get illegible. It was great to have her input, especially after so many male speakers.
Richard Tan: I really hope I've gotten his name right! He was really funny. All of the speakers had great humour, but I valued it most at this point because laughing was the only thing keeping my eyes open and my brain functioning. It's not about making the right decision, it's about making your decision RIGHT. Now, even though my tired brain still couldn't be sure if this quote was correctly applied to Afghanistan, it was one I noted down ASAP. He was a great speaker.
Still with me? GREAT!
(haha I'd only be talking to myself anyway,
I expect to see myself back here tomorrow,
going over that workbook and cringing over these typos.)
Brendon Burchard: There's a reason why this guy is at the very end.
Okay, first of all, no shit, it didn't take me very long to get crazy about this guy because he is amaaaaziiiingggg, of course everyone was - but I'm pretty certain that everybody had one speaker today whose speech moved them in a way they didn't expect, for me it just happened to be Brendon. Well, maybe it didn't just 'happen', maybe that was design. His speech was very engaging, he was really funny, and I just felt as if I tuned into his speech the most. He shared a personal (and very moving) story with us, and I think the part that hit a nerve for me, which made me both want to pay VERY VERY CLOSE attention and crawl under the chair curled up in a ball, was when the word suicide cropped up.
Did I live? Did I love? Did I matter? I've had those words ringing in my head all day. It didn't make me think Pshh, er, no, no and no, it made me what to do something about it, right now, it made me want to improve everything about my life and my circumstances, that was the sole thing that kind of gave new life to my motivations, and I had no idea that I could feel so passionately about it, that I DO want to live and love and I want to MATTER and leave a legacy that will continue to help and teach after I gone. Last week I was telling myself it isn't worth it. How could I have thought that? What gave me the right? It makes me feel so ashamed.
On a scarier note, one in four people suffer from depression, so how many people are thinking and believe this? MAN that's scary! I NEVER want to be on my deathbed thinking about all the things I could have done. And it breaks my heart, because my dad, in his sixties now, speaks about his lost opportunities all the time, and he speaks of them a LOT, and its clear that the regret hurts him so badly. I won't go into it further, but the point is, I don't want to go there or do that, I want to create new opportunities and circumstances for him to rejoice about, I want to share what I've learnt to today and say, 'Look. There a course running by so-and-so, a world class number one speaker, how about you take this course, just go along, you have no idea how much you'll learn!'
Oh shat, right, Brendon Burchard. I'm so tired, I actually typed 'Richard Churchard' originally. Apologies. *bows*
Key words stuck with me - IMPACT. INFLUENCE. INCOME. CONTENT. ONLINE. How do I become the leading expert in my space? How? Tomorrow, I'll determine what my 'space' IS first. I can't wait. I can't wait to get started. This BS procrastinating has to end. Some people have been on this journey at a younger age than me, so why should I wait any longer? Why should anyone?
I'm glad I made friends today, such positive, motivated friends as well, or I wouldn't have found it half as useful as I did, I think - which does concern me a little bit, I feel like that's saying something about me. Also, every time we keep in contact after today, I'll remember why I know them in the first place and what I am meant to be doing.
That's also the reason I'm typing this right now, is because if I don't, I might get up tomorrow, continue with my life, and then the motivation I have now will fade.
My mother and brother were downstairs quarreling a minute ago, I'm going to a show tomorrow, then the week will go on, I have classes at university every day, monday to friday, then weekends I'm back to my job, this one weekend breather is over. My life will carry on. But I'm changed via what I've learnt today, so I suppose my true fear is, I need to change my life, or else I'll fall back into my usual routine and let the knowledge just sit there.
I can't say how much Mama has done that. WhatBizOpp, Jon Street, all of that online business stuff she's done, why isn't she successful now? Right now? Why is she unhappy and verging on depression? I'm not sure, but I need to figure it out so that I know what NOT to do and I can help her too.
So, I'm going to make conscious changes to my health, my spending, surround myself with positive people, get the relevant motivational, information, money, business, whatEVER books from my bookshelf or buy them, keep going to courses and seminars, I will do it!
But first, I will sleep, because the home improvement show is tomorrow. I spent the last two and half hours typing this and I feel as if my back is now permanently crooked.
It feels good to know, after months of wallowing in misery and feeling sheit, that I have a reason, a GREAT REASON to get up tomorrow!
P.S. I'll proof-read tomorrow. :)