Funny or very very true Quotes .
All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, desire.
Don't criticise someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, they're a mile away and you have their shoes.
I will do anything humanly possible to reach the remote without getting up.
Rain or shine, day or night, you know I'll be there for you, but if you call me at 4 o'clock in the morning, you better be dying.
In case of an emergency, I want to see Dr. House.
It's funny how we spend so much time teaching our kids to walk and talk, and once they master it we promptly tell them to sit down and SHUT UP!
Alcohol may not be the answer, but it sure helps forget the question.
Rain or shine, day or night, you know I'll be there for you, but if you call me at 4 o'clock in the morning, you better be dying.
In case of an emergency, I want to see Dr. House.
It's funny how we spend so much time teaching our kids to walk and talk, and once they master it we promptly tell them to sit down and SHUT UP!
Alcohol may not be the answer, but it sure helps forget the question.
Sleep depravation kills brain cells. I’m down to my last two. One is on life support, and the other’s trying to pull the plug.
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When life gives you lemons, add vodka, throw a party.
There are three types of people in the world. Those that makes things happen, those that watch things happen, and those that wonder what the hell happened.
Think of it as mind over matter. I don’t mind that you don’t matter.
Piss me off one more time, and I will knock you so far into next week you'll need a passport to get back.
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Yes, men hit harder... but women hit lower. WIN.
If your relationship has more issues than a magazine, I suggest you cancel that subscription.
We live in the “WTF” Generation W: Wikipedia, T: Twitter, F: Facebook.
If you’re talking behind my back, you’re in a good position to kiss my ass.
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You never just stop loving someone, either you always will, or you never did in the first place.
I don’t trip, I do random gravity checks.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I’m fluent in three languages: English, Sarcasm, and Profanity.
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Teacher: “Why didn’t you complete your homework?”
Student: “Oh sorry, Kanye West didn’t let me finish.”
Whoever invented the “copy and paste” has saved many hours of my life.
"There's plenty of fish in the sea.”
Yeah that’s cool and all, but I’m human.
I won’t take a bullet for anyone because if I had time to jump in front of a bullet… you had time to move.
In every P.E class there is always that one person who thinks they are in the fucking Olympics.
Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.
The fact that you continue to share your irrelevant ass opinion only furthers the misconception that I give a fuck about what u think.
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don’t expect it back.
Perfect girls are found at every corner on the Earth. Unfortunately the Earth is round.
I won’t take a bullet for anyone because if I had time to jump in front of a bullet… you had time to move.
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In every P.E class there is always that one person who thinks they are in the fucking Olympics.
Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.
The fact that you continue to share your irrelevant ass opinion only furthers the misconception that I give a fuck about what u think.
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don’t expect it back.
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Perfect girls are found at every corner on the Earth. Unfortunately the Earth is round.
God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
Don’t break anybody’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
Sharks aren’t the bad guys. If some stranger entered my house in just a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
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Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it pays my internet… which is almost the same thing.
Jail = the government’s way of sending you to your room.
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
Sometimes life doesn’t give you something you want, not because you don’t deserve it, but because you deserve more.
