SIRO-A Review :3

Hey dudes, been a while.

I have NO IDEA who Blue Man group are, so let's, for the moment, not compare.

I went to see SIRO-A last Wednesday, it was a matinee performance so the audience was quite a small intimate one, I'd say. If you're unfamiliar, SIRO-A is basically a show that entertains through technology, dance, music, mime, very precise choreography and imaginative visual displays.

The performance was absolutely amazing, from costume to lighting to MUSIC (oh boy, lovedd to the music) to special effects, it was very well synchronised, VERY entertaining and well worth what I paid! I really want to take my younger and older brother to go and see it too.

What I really liked was that there were many references to things that we know well, like videos games of general knowledge trivia or pop songs, so there was a connection or nostalgia element on that level that was really nice. Also, they got the audience involved in ways I didn't expect and it wasn't embarrassing at all, just really funny! (I thought so, anyway.)

And as always, the music was great and well matched to every piece. Or perhaps its the other way around...

My favourite pieces were 'BOX' and the opening pieces, though I liked all of the performances, 'T-Shirt Man' and 'BALL' stuck in my head quite a bit too. Oh, I also liked the one where the guy created a song with a shadow-ball and had his various shadows upholding the different parts, and the dancing in that piece was excellent coupled with the special effects. I want to go and see it again! ^_^



What Else?

Other than that, and other than cutting myself (oh yeah, I didn't mention but I'm back to that) and writing my book (almost finished WHOOOOO!), I'm also working on a new project, this time it's a musical venture. I know.


It's been on my mind for over a week and I've been getting my youtube and blog ready so I can post as soon as its done. I've always loved doing harmonies, but this time I was thinking about merging songs as well as harmonising, which would be really fun but of course there's only one be, so I'd HAVE to film it anyway.

I also want to start a girl group but that's WAAAAY ahead. You know me. Getting ahead of myself.



Star.
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What does your life mean?

[Though when I say 'your', I really mean 'my'.]

Loads of inspiration at the beach today. Am about to sit down and bang it all out, but I have a lot of worries that I need to breathe out into this blog first.

My parents aren't going to be around one day.

I get that now. I understand that I will still be living my life, making decision and friends, doing my job, doing my best to be happy and make others happy, and they won't be there to talk to if I am sad, I won't be able to hear my Dad joking with me, I can't hear my mother's soothing voice, I can't share my joy with them when something good happens, I can't say, 'look at what I did!' or 'look at this book I (highly tempted to say 'writ'... it almost rhymes) wrote!', I can't give them more reasons to be proud of me and not feel like I was a miserable, wayward daughter, because they won't be there. This won't mean a damn to you.

I know I always said I'm never going to have children, and I'm highly skeptical of relationships, but I can see why people go through it. The fear of loneliness is paralysing. If you've lost your family, why not start your own?

I have endless brothers and sisters though, some that I don't even know about. It's so, so bizarre to think that they hold a fragment of my (my father's) genes and may pass them on. But it's my parents who make, or rather complete, the family. Dada and Mama talk easily about 'when they die' - they've lived their life, they've long accepted that it will one day be time for them to go. I'm 20 and I can't fucking accept that. I am such a fucking emotional wreck already that it might realistically destroy me. I don't want to watch them deteriorate.

Sorry for the swear. I feel like crying. (Okay I'm lying. Just wiped away my tears.)

On the drive back from the beach, Dada spoke about his parents heritage, about how my great grandfather came from the Ashanti tribe, in Ghana I think (will need to double check that) and was supposedly the caribbean equivalent of royalty. That stuns me. My Dad exaggerates sometimes (then again who else could I ask?) but he doesn't lie. I already knew that my ancestors were, by the standards of the time, wealthy. Royalty? Interesting.

Now look at me. Waiting for my student loan to come through so that I can have a smile on my face. Because, as you know, money is magic.

My grandparents and greats will never know that their son's son had me, that I am sitting here typing about them on a machine they could never have even imagined. This sort of thing tears me the fuck up. (Sorryfortheswear.) My brain, my stupid brain, can't stop turning it over. Also, this depressingly beautiful/beautifully depressing Heavenly Sword soundtrack is probably not helping... (endingcredits)

Awwwww laptop power run out... hang on while I get the cord...
Slightly lost my train of thought now...

Sometimes the world feels huge. Sometimes it feels so small. I feel like I have power to do anything when I'm elated. At other times, I am nothing, nobody, swept away in fifty years to be forgotten and replaced by another billion humans.

I can't help it. I know one day I will mean nothing, but I do want to feel that I made a difference while I was here, maybe changed the world for the better? On the drive back, I kept wondering to myself, imagine if I died on this motorway and all of this work, everything on my laptop and email that I have crafted and jigsawed together over the years of my life, poof, gone, just like that.

Like my old friend, Hannah Defoe.

I didn't know she had died until I sat down for my break at work last Saturday and opened the Metro to see her picture and details of the court case surrounding her death. I was stunned, I couldn't concentrate on work all day. There's more. She hadn't died recently. She passed away a long while ago. I've been disconnected from facebook and rarely speak to my old Dance Umbrella friends, so of course I wouldn't have known. But it makes me feel beyond strange, beyond unsettled. Hannah Defoe passed away, I didn't know or feel a thing while her parents must have felt their whole world turn upside down. It's not enough to say my heart goes out to them. My heart won't be worth a thing to them. They want their daughter.

I wanted to blog about it, but didn't know how. Hannah is one of the few people at Dance Umbrella that I can think of and remember exactly what she was like. She was really funny, she had a wicked dance style, I'd say she spoke lowly most of the time and didn't raise her voice much, she had nice wavy hair (in the Metro photo it was straightened), and she was very cool, if you get me. As in, very suave. Is suave right? (Probably not) She was great fun to be with and I don't remember having any issues with her, but we weren't close enough friends to have that squabbling going on.

She'll have friends that can give a description ten times better and more accurate than that, because that was how I knew her when I went to Dance Umbrella and that had to be four years ago.

I am completely different to how I was four years ago and depression had definitely touched me in a bad way. I'm pulling out of it, but I'm not as optimistic as I used to be. So although I felt shaken and upset at discovering she was gone by an impersonal means, I was also upset that I hadn't kept up with who she'd become and that we'd fallen out of touch. Linking back to four-ish paragraphs ago, that was why I started thinking hard about if I was just snatched away. Hannah was 20 when she passed, the age I am now.

I really pray that her parents can get to the bottom of the issue and find peace. Maybe not happiness but peace, at least.

Yeah, lots of dark thoughts circling my head today, the ravens. It's like, you get one, and others come.Oh, on a completely different note, I've discovered I don't hate seagulls so much after all! They have a pretty amazing way of flying against the strong breeze from the sea. Loved watching them, actually. Though... not when they came too close.

Today is the first day in the last two weeks that I haven't felt like my existence on earth was using up valuable air and why am I still alive again? What the hell is it all for? Whose grand scheme dictates that I should be here, wishing to not be here? Feeling like I'm out of sync with a world so eager to eb cut above the rest that it can't take a breath and see that there is a destructive element that is touching lives, nature, their own children...?

So in comparison, today was definitely a good day. Well, until now, I guess...

I think I could say more, but I need to end this because I have to write the material I thought up today for my book before bed. I think I will leave the Vlog today, maybe tomorrow though. But I won't do it if I wake up happy, because... why kill the mood?



Star .

p.s. Sorry for the typos. Fix 'em later.
p.p.s I always say that. Oh well.
p.p.afteritookashower.s. Took tired to write my book now. Tomorra. Gonna hit the hay.

Katy Perry - ROAR

I got the eye of the tiger

the fighter

dancing through the fire

cause I am a champion

and you're gonna hear me

ROAR

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Hyper Japan 2013 - Friday

Konnichiwa!

It took me such a long time to post again. I really didn't want to post anything depressing so I just didn't post anything at all. But now I have something HAPPYYY to share :3

I have been looking forward to Hyper Japan for months, especially as MCM (talked about that in another blog post) was a bit of a disappointment for me. H.J. was at Earls Court, only like a 30-minute journey for me, which is greeeat. We got there an hour early, and a good thing too because we were one of the first in at five-past two. My sister isn't really 'into' Japanese culture the way I am but she agreed to come with me, so I had someone to talk to while we queued for an hour. I planned to go anyway, but luckily I saw an offer on Groupon which was two tickets for the price of one. Neat. I had Jean Rhys's Wide Sargasso Sea in my bag but its a depressing book and I was excited so I ended up not reading it.

Queuing was a pretty simple affair. Like I said, we got there an hour early but went in almost straight away, unlike MCM Comic Con London, where me and my brothers waited a further hour and a half. Didn't see very many cosplayers, but the Lolita and Gothic Lolita outfits I saw were so, so very adorable and lovely to see. Japan TV were walking up and down the queue doing interviews.

In brief, there was a wide variety of things to explore in Japanese culture; sweets, kawaii sweets and kawaii culture, jewellery, costumes and traditional Japanese outfits, music (J-pop, yay), food such as rice dishes and noodles, swords (katanas, I believe... Azure said they looked like Kill Bill swords, and I just rolled my eyes. We're at a Japanese festival, and she's relating cutural icons to American movies), toys, t-shirts, anime-themed items, manga and comics, magazines and books, game demos, uniquely-styled artwork (sometimes with the artist present), and so much other memorabilia.

The live stage had musicians playing and I wish I had got the names of some but we were eating tempura noodles at the time and it didn't occur to me. Maybe it's in the brochure.

One thing that really struck me was that there was so... much... s p a c e .

At MCM, you could barely move. Sometimes we actually had to huddle in lines and waddle along because it was so jam-packed, and it was the most frustrating thing after queuing for so long and being excited enough to want to see everything at once.

But at Hyper Japan 2013, it was like there wasn't enough stalls. Towards the back, you could stand in one space and spin around with your arms out and not hit anybody. Granted, there was lots to do, lots. But still, I wish the space was filled with more stalls so that I could indulge even more in japanese culture =] I was reading Anna Scholz's blog which briefly mentioned last years' Hyper Japan, and it reminded me that Saturday and Sunday will be a LOT busier than the Friday, so I have no doubt all the space will be filled tomorrow with more stalls and people!

I picked up quite a few leaflets and freebies, especially ones on visiting Tokyo, entered a few prize draws and stuff, and it was really fun.

What I bought:
- Strawberry Pocky... couldn't resist [for the sister who came with me (call her Azure)]
- Little cat notebook [me]
- milk oyster card holder [me]
- Hello Kitty choco-toffee treat [for my other sister (call her Aime)]
- Winter Is Coming (yep, Game Of Thrones) geek soap... smells awesomee [sister again]
- Chocolate Dorayaki [little brother]
- Plum Wine (that ish tastes AMAZING... we tried sake too, but MAN that's strong.)
- Tempura noodles (great, but didn't taste as nice as they looked! It was my own fault - would have appreciated it better with an appetite but I let my excitement carry me away. I wasn't actually hungry at all. )
- Plum Tea (bought to wash down the noodles, not realising that's its not actually TEA, rather, a sweet drink. Was DELICIOUS though. Mmm. Right, from now on it's me and plums forever. Goodbye, cranberry.)

I spent hardly anything at MCM, but must have spent between £40 and £50 at H.J. (I was paying for my older sister too, her share was about £20 so I actually spent only £30-ish.) Felt so good going home with all those bags. Money well spent ^_^

I am starting to regret not going back to get this beautiful art print I saw, but I was still if-ing and but-ing so I decided to leave it.

I am so gutted that Destiny Blue wasn't there today. I was hoping soo much to buy a print from her of 'Freedom: Not A Number' and 'Lose Yourself In Me' in particular. I'm working tomorrow and Sunday so it's not even like I can drop by over the weekend. Now I have to wait until next year to see her. Makes me so sad :(

Well, it's decided. I am definitely coming back next year.

What now?

I signed up to Japanesepod101.com, and I'm supposed to be taking a free Japanese trial lesson at Alpha Japanese school in Holborn, so that should prepare me for the Japanese course I'm going to take when I get back to uni.

Did I mention I have a fan with my name on it in Katakana characters?

=]

Got it from the Alpha Japanese School stand. Well, the festival is on for another two more days. So, y'know. If you can get to Earl Court - go.

Star.

Broken

Super Spoiler: Briefly talking about the end of the Hunger Games. BuzzTF off if you haven't read it yet.


When I finished reading the last book of the Hunger Games series, all I could think about was how broken she was. Broken. So many people she loved, gone, or no longer trustworthy. Their whole society - broken. Katniss - broken. The nightmares, awful memories, and deaths of loved ones would haunt her until her dying day. Whoever is in charge of Panem will try to make her a pawn until the very end. She's broken. She's completely broken. And she will never ever be the same again.

Not to compare my life to a (fictional) war on such a massive scale, but a destruction is happening inside of me, quietly, internally. Last year, something happened to some unreachable part of me that has tainted it, and I don't know what it is, but it has broken me. I will never be the same.

A friend said something to me in distress - she said that she hopes to God that she doesn't have depression because it never goes away. I remember feeling so angry with her because I'd never felt better in my life than I did right then, and I wanted to be the one in charge of my life and my emotions. I was convinced that I would come out on the winning side. But it is a sham, a hope, a hallucination, a sick mockery of what my life really is. It is nothing.

I never thought I would ever fully understand what it was like to be depressed. It's something I never talk about. Anyone who's been there, truly been there, will know that wrenching feeling, about not even knowing where to start when someone offers to be a confidant. Those who can open up about it - I admire them. But not me. No more. I'm done. I don't think I will have the heart to post on this blog any more, though I will try to hang on to any event that makes me happy, for as long as humanly possible. What concerns me most right now is how it will end. How will I do it? How will I commit suicide? I don't have the guts to do it. But when I think about my future, I don't see anything. There is nothing but the realisation of who I am, what life is. Nothing. Like I said. Hopefully, I can get back into the swing of pretending I am happy and that it means something, that I am not a small pawn in a scale of something far grander and far beyond my control. But this moment of reflection has helped me understand this basic fact about existence. It's horrible. I am happy for those who don't yet know it. Maybe it is the cause of chronic depression - because those who suffer it really know what's going on. Maybe. Probably.

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Power Songs

Perfect for when I feel as f****** melancholy as I feel now. Most are from games - songs without lyrics are like a soundtrack to my life. Not just songs I like, the Power Songs. They are the most important, more than any others at the moment. There will definitely be one I've missed, but whoTF cares.

POWER SONGS

Coldplay - X&Y
Jessie Ware - Wildest Moments (EVERY TIME)
Newton Faulkner - Teardrop (can't believe I'm saying this, but I've grown to like this more than Massive Attack's original version.)
Paramore - Stuck On You
Oasis - Keep The Dream Alive
Thomas Newman - Brooks Was Here & Any Other Name, but although there is power when I listen, the songs are so sorrowful that it also provokes depression.

Jade Empire
Jack Wall - Main theme
Jack Wall - Metropolis I and II

Ergo Proxy
Monoral - Kiri

The Legend Of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Fi's Theme
Fi's Gratitude
Fi's Farewell
Lanayru Sand Sea (the two notes at the beginning give me shivers. Listen in headphones.)
Sailing The Sand Sea (when playing the actual game, the song isn't done justice. The full thing on youtube is epic.)

Gunslinger Girl (Anime)
The Delgados - The Light Before We Land
Aoi Tada / Lia - Doll
Ootani Kou - Kanashimi

Nabari No Ou
Michiro Oshima - Main Theme: Seijaku
Michiro Oshima - Tobari no Ketsui
Michiro Oshima - Departure
Anamu & Maki - Aru Ga Mama
VELTPUNCH - CRAWL (EVERY TIME.)



Blogvomit
Oh God. Has anyone ever felt this exhaustion so strong that it really makes them wish they were dead? How can they take another step, breathe another breath, think another thought? I feel as if the moment I stop typing, I will shut down. I want to eat and sleep and cry. The weather is so nice today. That makes me feel even more blue. (Don't ask me to explain that.) Lately, the moment I start to get tired, my mood plummets like an anchor thrown into in the sea. I never used to feel like this at just tiredness. It's fuckin horrible.

Damn... I'm more disturbed than I thought. I need help.


Star.
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