Saturday, 26 May 2012

The Beginnings Of Something





Mr Aaronovitch is right. It's time to kick my arse into gear. (Also the weather is too nice to be sad today. Nice weather is a rarity in London. (ALSO I am making an effort to take natural moodlifters. No more wallowing in self-pity.))

:)

At the moment I am trying to consolidate an ideas that came from three smaller ideas I had merged into one.

Idea 1
A kind of ninja-assassin school that focusses on assassination, espionage, infiltration and the like. Students are divided into 6 groups, and either one knows what the other five are learning at the school. So what are they learning? Good question. When I figure it out, I'll let'cha know.

Idea 2
The concept of a 'Doppelganger' - in German this means 'double walker'. I think it basically means somebody who looks strikingly similar if not identical to another person but are not related at all. If those two people should meet, one of them will die.

Last Winter I went to an interview, and I met a girl there who had a... startling resemblance to a girl who used to be in my English class, Sophie. Sophie ended up dropping out but when she was in class I spoke to her quite a bit. The girl at my interview, Tanya, was shorter and had slightly darker skin, but her features were a bit similar and the way she talked was exactly the same as Sophie, she did this weird thing with her mouth that made her words come out in a unique and unusual way. When Tanya introduced herself I was half expecting her to say her name was Sophie.

So I added to my idea. In my Ninja/Assassin school, every person has a Doppelganger. To meet your Doppelganger is rare, but if it should happen, the two must stay together, or both will die if they separate.

Idea 3
A classic Nintedo 64 game, The Legend of Zelda: Majoras Mask, features a land called Termina which is almost identical to the land of the original game, called Hyrule, but in Termina the towns of interest were placed at each compass direction. I had a thought. It would be quite cool if you could enter a portal that would allow you to explore different regions. For example you would have Home Region, and then the territories North, East South and West. But when you go through the portal, although Home Region is the same, the territories have changed and become Alternate North, Alternate East, Alt. South and Alt. West. It's not a particularly strong idea yet, as I still have to figure out the technicalities of this so called 'portal', but I'm getting there.



Hey. All this mind-mapping is great.
Maybe one day I can actually write something
*rollingmyeyes.*



Star xx
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Thursday, 24 May 2012

Exhaustion





I'm tired.

I have been tired for weeks, but I think I've been pretty good at hiding how fed up I am, it's only at home it's harder because I'm tired after work. I think now its really starting to show though. Hopefully I'm overcoming it. Last week and the week before, I was having thoughts that scared me, about suicide and all sorts of shit that you really shouldn't be thinking when you're nineteen and in your first job. It's kinda dumb. It doesn't really make any sense. I KNOW that every challenge in life is only a hurdle - once you overcome it, it'll seem like nothing, and then the next challenge will come along. You just have to keep going. But I still can't stop hurting myself.

I don't think I quite remember how to stop, actually. My self-confidence has completely dropped and it's a struggle to motivate myself to do anything. It's like I can't control my thoughts. I embarrass myself. I feel stupid and like a complete f****** idiot, but like everyone, I have good days and bad days. At the moment I can't tell what sort of days I'm having, because it's the sort of day I would typically class as 'good' and thus does not explain why I feel so bad.

All the fears I was holding for the last few weeks, I finally confided them to my Mama, which was probably the right thing to do, because for the previous two or so weeks I'd been crying myself to sleep. But my mood lifted a lot after speaking to her... thank God, finally I could put the craft knife away and stop drawing lines on my skin like a maniac. I suppose I'm just scared about a lot of things. That must be it. There must be something inside me that keeps dragging my mood down, because on the outside, there is no logical reason for me sulking round the house like a moody bitch.

It's also why I decided not to blog for a while. I'd rather not have endless posts of gloom and misery, I thought if I could write it down and wrap it all up in one post, I could just push it to the back of the closet and get on with my life. Yay yay yay, happy happy sunshine beams and rainbows blah blah blah. I feel a little bit like a hermit. I don't really go out much any more or talk to my friends like I used to, but that's something I chose to do though, that part is solely my fault, because I'm not as interested in the stuff I used to do now, and although I have a lot of close friends, what it happening to me at the moment is personal and I'm not going to explain this to them. Maybe they would understand, but they can't give me the help and advice that I want (I wish I had a spiritual guide :( ). So texts and emails are on hold. Life bores me.

BUT, I knowwwww I will get over it, BECAAUUUSE, as I've been told, everybody gets to this point at some stage in their life. So I have to smile and carry on. =] Obviously I must have a defect to get these feelings so early, but at least I don't have to worry about them later :) ...that was an adequate attempt at a joke. You can laugh if you want. ( e_e )

Now that's done with, maybe I can finally concentrate on writing something. That would be nice, for once. For ONCE in my life, to actually write something and finish it. I wait with crossed fingers.

I've been watching The 4400 lately, watching episodes back to back on Netflix. Jacqueline McKenzie is the most amazing actor. Actually, I have a whole load of favourites, to many to name. It's such an incredible idea, the plot is really really good, and it inspired me to complete an idea I began about seven years ago when I started secondary school. It was a pretty shit idea then but it's sprung to life in the most incredible way now. Which is great, of course... but anyone who knows me, REALLY knows me, knows that characters names are really important to me, and changing a name that I really feel is right is like a traumatic experience. But I have no choice now, because when I looked back in my notebook I realised that the names of the leads characters for that idea were Will and Kate !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whaathefuuuuuuhhhhh!!!!! I couldn't believe it. I was laughing to myself for ages. I must be some sort of Seer to predict the coupling of those names, and then what, five, six years later Prince William marries Kate Middleton. I. Am. Amazing. A suicidal freako amazing super weirdo genius.

Whispers Underground had better hurry up and come out. I think that would lift my mood. Even better, I could go to Ben Aaronovitch's book signing next month if I wanted :) If I just focus on these things, I'm sure I'll be fine.

Pray for me, 'kay?



Star xx
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Sunday, 13 May 2012

Misery

Fuck everything.
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Monday, 30 April 2012

Apparently, Justin Bieber is black.

^ Dude With Snake.

When JB was just coming up, I think me and the family were in the living room watching TV when something to do with him came on. Suddenly, my Dad sits up straight and says, "Isn't that uhm... uhhhhhm, wass'is'name, P Diddy's son?"

Me and Azure were stunned into silence. There was just so many things wrong with that statement, that I didn't even know WHERE to start. Aime was choking laughter into her hands.

"Dada," Azure said, "He's WHITE!"

"I know, I know, but..."

(But what? But what? How can you possibly justify that statement? IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!!!! GAHHNSHKDBLGAH)

"Maybe you mean Usher. That the only black guy I can think of that has anything to do with Justin Bieber," I said, "And even then, Usher's his mentor, not his FATHER."


In short, WTF, WTF, and, WT- FFF.


Star xx
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Sunday, 29 April 2012

Window Shopping :3

Don't frown on me for this, it's not my intention for this blog to be a fashion blog. But I haven't written any fiction lately and I might as well share what the hell I HAVE been wasting my time doing; online dress shopping, with no intention of buying anything, of course... hey, I'm not made of money. *crossface*


A little bit sad today, so might as well find something aesthetically pleasing. No critical analysis, just purely browsing, pointing and saying I like that, I don't like that. Lets have a look at some dresses...


I Shop At New Look


Ripple Bodycon Dress 


Cowl Knitted Dress 


Layered Stripe One Shoulder Satin Dress 

Wow, I LOVE this, and its £7.50 !!!! F$%£ YEAH

Elise Ryan Cutout Pleat Dress 

Bloody expensive, but so so cutee. Perfect summer dress.

Ribbed Box Pleated Ponte Dress 

I think this is sweet.

Pleated Shirt Dress 

I WANT THIS


ACTUALLY NO I DON'T


(its kinda ugly... kinda cool and kinda ugly... make sense?)

Printed Ruffle Dress 

When I showed this to my Mama, she said "CLOSE THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW."


So I doubt you'll like it. 

Embellished Ponte Collar Dress 

?? I think its quite... classy.

Cut Out Shoulder Rib Body Con Dress 

I have no idea why I clicked on this one. I guess SOMETHING about it appealed to me...

...but I couldn't tell you what that was.

Crinkle Ruffled Dress 

Makes me think of mermaids.


....what a horrible dress.


(Why I thought it deserved cyberspace on my blog, I just don't know.)

Lace Insert Tunic 

OMGG !!!! TWO POUNDS !! And its so nice as well, no wonder it's bloody out of stock.

Pearl Beaded Trim Tunic 

I'm starting to like this Tunic Tunic business.

Lurex One Shoulder Pleat Dress 

Oooo.


...I hate it.


(the model wearing it has got quite a belly, hasn't she?
OOO THAT WOULD BE A CUTE MATERNITY DRESS!
Saying that, who the f%&$ would wear that while pregnant-?)




More Dress Options On Yahoo! Lifestyle

Sent these to my sister (lets call her Aime), and she certainly had some things to say...

River Island pink dress

River Island Pink Dress (£38)

AIME SAID: ok, saucy but not interesting enough design. would probably wear it tho cz its quite sexy.

Topshop gold star print black …
Topshop Gold Star Print Black Chiffon Long Sleeve Dress (£65)

AIME SAID: Amazing. If your goin to a rave at Hogwarts.


Dorothy Perkins Green Ruched …

Dorothy Perkins Green Ruched 50's Dress

AIME SAID: Oh God. Forgive her for her sins!

STAR SAID: Shut up.


H&M bandeau dress
H&M Bandeau Dress


AIME SAID: Its so pretty! its like a ballerina pretty dress but hot cos its short! only thing - i remember these were in fashion a few years ago not sure about now but i dont think the puffball style thing really goes out of fashion... i might wear this one. soo nice!


STAR SAID: I bloody hate you. ( e_e )

Mango, Miss Selfridge, New Look, Next, Rise, Zara, Warehouse & Long Tall Sally have all been in my Dress Shopping Adventures :)


BUT I WANT A PINK DREEEEESSSS !!

Tibi Cocktail Dress in Mulberry Pink


AIME SAID: OKAAAAYYY, this one is pretty, the style for me makes it kind of boringsish and little girly, but j'adooorrreeee the colour. excellent!! 


Tracy Reese Classic Frock in Watermelon
AIME SAID: I dont like this one. a lot of things about it have offended my eyes. if they are going to make a design that horrible they should stay the hell away from my precious pink.


Evan Picone Dress, Sleeveless Satin A-Line Cocktail Dress
Evan Picone Dress, Sleeveless Satin A-Line Cocktail Dress
AIME SAID: This is beautiful! because of the satin material probably. so Regal! but that also makes it look kind of, oldish? but pretty all the same 

STAR SAID: 'Oldish'? WTF sort of adjective is that?!


Faye Layered Jersey Dress


That's enough for today. Now I can be happily satisfied that I have found multiple dress I won't be buying. Time for a nap, I think.


Star xx
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Sunday, 22 April 2012

HECK yes!

^The Gold Bracelet
So, as you may or may not know, it is my immediate goal to accumulate wealth. So in the past month, I've been selling loads of stuff I've been hoarding in my room on eBay, which has been brilliant, to be put simply. If you want to buy from me, feel free... heh heh heh...

 ^  Top left antique silver, top right bronze, bottom left gold, bottom right chrome.

Yesterday I finally decided to buy these wraparound Dragon Claw bracelets that I've had my eye on for a while. I don't know why but I just really like the look of them. My Mama took one look and said 'Ohh nooo, that's HORRIBLE.' (-sigh- ... Thank You, Mother e_e ) Anyway, as it was an auction listing constantly renewed, being at home and at a computer to bid on it wasn't possible for weeks. Then yesterday, I saw two bids ending and suddenly thought, 'Hey, I can bid on them! DO IT DO IT DO IT' - so I bid on both the gold and bronze bracelets and to my total surprise I actually won them both! It was my first time ever bidding on eBay, and I was pretty damn chuffed.


^ From left to right: bronze bracelet, bronze bracelet, silver bracelet.

I bought them from jolinfashionjewel on eBay. They're coming from China so I've got to wait about two weeks for them, but I don't care. I'm beyond happy. So happy, I may even give the gold one to my luvly luvly Lizard as a present. In truth, I prefer the bronze one anyway and only bid on gold in case I didn't get it - but I think Liz would like gold. I adore Liz, haven't seen the girl in ages. Hey, the bracelet can be interest for the Christmas present that I have for her still sitting in my room. Ha, that'll make her laugh.

So, since then I've had the guilty thought of also buying the silver bracelet AND the dragon claw rings... plus there's this cute set of 8 rings that I want with positive words on them like Hope, Love, Peace and so on... but seeing as I currently have £0.19 in my current account, it might be more sensible to wait.
:')

With Love,
Star xx
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